Killah in Germany: Lackadaisy

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Lackadaisy

I didn't think that any of this was possible. Jumping across the Atlantic just to see what Berlin could offer me. And here I am, connecting with people, offering myself up to the world, enjoying my time in Germany. Anybody could have told me that this would work, all I had to do was trust myself and be confident and not worry about what could go wrong. And yet I remember lying in bed at night in Seattle four months ago, staring at the ceiling, brimming with doubts about whether I could do it. Whether I wanted to do it. Now I'm here, and I ask myself what my reservations were. Obviously, leaving my friends and family behind was the hardest part, but at the time it didn't seem like that it would be. All I could think about was how difficult it would be to move out of my apartment and get a life set up in Germany. Turns out it's not as difficult as it sounds.

This song by Monsters of Folk sums up how I'm feeling about myself at the moment. It really resonates with me with lines like "I had shoes to fill/Walking barefoot now" and "Take a piece of the sunshine with me on a red-eye flight to another world/ It isn't any trouble if you want to come with me/ I know it's outta the question honey, but I sure could use the company/ And a place to be."

It's an experience within itself just to leave everything at home as it is and try something completely different for a while. As familiar as I am with German culture and language, there are still things that are new and foreign to me and slogging through them can be simultaneously exhilarating and frustrating. The funny part of all this to me is that I felt like before I left Seattle, I was really starting to come to grips with the person that I am, getting to know my character flaws and strengths and dreams and desires within the context of my life there, and learning how to work with them. Now I'm in a new environment and it's almost like I have to go through the whole self-discovery process again. It can be a real challenge to feel like you are "being yourself" in a foreign language, because it definitely does not feel natural by any means, not yet anyway, and how can you be yourself if it doesn't feel natural?

One thing that is typical of me is that I am constantly busy. Somehow, without really meaning to, I manage to keep myself booked most days and have very little downtime. Even though I am still new to Berlin and don't know many people yet, I still have trouble finding time to blog and write to people because of all the things I've been up to. Thus the lack of updates around here. It's about to get worse, too: a dear, dear friend of mine will arrive tomorrow from the States and we will be too busy giggling and hugging each other and biking around Berlin to be able to post any news. So here we go with some pictures.

Tacheles art house

Tacheles has been around for a few decades and is constantly being threatened by capitalism.

Viking head and me

Open Mic night

This sign combination confuses me. Should I turn or no? Is it a dead end if I turn, or if I go straight?

So meta.

Berlin underground tour

Berliner Dom at sunset

So I played on a softball team for about a week. I might still join for good, I haven't decided yet. The team consists of a mix of Germans, Venezualans, and Japanese. But my friend Johannes is the one who invited me. Here he is.

Johannes

Johannes and I enjoying Brazilian coffee in Schöneberg

Some pics of me singing karaoke at Hafenbar

I realize this is completely narcissistic of me

But the folks at the Monkey will appreciate it

Let's do the time warp again

All right, enough of that

Travis' house

I was on my way to a baseball game

But I got lost

So I took pictures of these ruins instead

A good place to play a secret show

This is Berlin in cartoon form

Reunification

Okay, so another thing I've been up to lately is playing a lot of music. I met a guy from Scotland who has been busking here for a year and we hit it off really well, so we've been playing some music together on the streets and in bars, and making a little bit of money and having a lot of fun. He is also a very good cook and has made a few curries for me that have been excellent - he knows as well as I do that Germans do not make spicy food, so it's up to us to do it.